The Digimon Episode that would Never Be
(Something that would never happen in a Digimon episode)
The Digimon Episode That Would Never Be
by *happyfish* and *Sora Takenouchi17*
Episode 2 985 376(canadians use spaces, it's probably the first thing you knew about us, you dumb ass Americans)
HERE IS SOME STUFF YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE CHARACTERS BEFORE YOU READ THIS STORY:
T.K. : is the drug addict, likes to use excessive swearing. He smokes and drinks (well no duh!)
Mimi : Is abusive for no reason, gradually she steals more and more in these stories ( yet to come )...oh yeah and she's gothic.
Matt : Works for happyfish (aka her Mafia name Diana de Fontella ) In these stories he is sent by Diana to kill Ash Ketchum of Pokemon. To his Italian friends Matt goes by the name of Maffy de Leoni. ( If you didn't get it by now, he's in the Italian Mafia. )
Tai : is the sacrificial freakis. Also a pyro...
Joe : Joe by day, Jolene by night. Enough said.
Izzy : Likes to be called Thee Izzster...( that's scary...)he likes to take pills. We all hope it's successful that he kills himself...just kidding...
Sora : Is the one who likes bombs, guns, hand grenades, pistols, shotguns, knives etc. Don't ever touch her weapons...
Oh and Narr: = the Narrarator!
Narr. : Well our fellow Digimon cast has arrived to Earth for the first time in... well let's just say in a long time.
T.K. : Finally I'm here, now I can shave. Hey Patamon you got any acid?
Patamon : Hey who the fuck do you think I am? Any acid I receive is for me. I ain't no drug lord!
Joe : I gotta go work...
Matt : Hey isn't Pokemon on? Does anybody know where the studio is?
Joe : Yeah it's on the corner of Wertyu and Poiuy. But don't go there girlfriend. (he does the snap snap thing to go with it)
Sora : Hey! I had 477 hand grenades but now I only have 475! Where are they? Somebody better tell me!
Joe : Uh...hey how did these get into my purse?
Tai : You have a purse? Can I burn it?
T.K. : Hey Tai you got any flammage so I can light up my joint? Hey Charmander, get your buns over here!
Charmader : Can't you see I have a hangover? Oh what the hell...if you wanna touch my buns go ahead. Please rub them in a circular motion.
T.K. : Hey have you ben' usin' my drugs again?
Izzy : As I see it, you people are quite strange from a logical standpoint of course. Hey, anyone know where I can locate some aspirin?
T.K. : Why? Have YOU been using my drugs?
Mimi : (punches Izzy) Damn you...
Matt : Well, it's time for me to go to... that place that I have to go to... that isn't on the corner of Wertyu and Poiuy...(He jumps out the window and lands on a pointy rock.) I'll get used to that...yep yep...
Izzy : Hey, to my keen senses I have detected that our fellow group member, that goes by the name of Sora, is absent at this moment of time. Did anyone take notice of this besides me?
T.K. : Dude, shut the hell up...why you gotta say all that shit when you could a jus' said "Where the fuck is Sora at?" Hey, where is that whore?
Tai : Shut up asshole...
Mimi : Your no better Tai, your like a sacrificial freakis.
T.K. : Well at least I ain't poor that I have to steal everything that I want.
Tai : So, at least I'm not screwed like you, all those drugs make you a fucked up little boy.
T.K. : Hey only three times, four if you count that time I was really hammered...
Tai : That's just nasty...how old are you? Like seven?
Mimi : Not even. I think he's like five.
T.K. : Hey I'm eight...
Narr. : Everyone turns away in disgust, Tai breaks the silence by saying:
Tai : How can you get laid? Some people must be desperate...or just really wasted...or perverted...or maybe you paid them lots of money...hey I gotta try that.
Mimi : Thats gross, stupid hormonal guys...
Izzy : Hey, shut up. We are not stupid hormonal guys.
Narr. : Izzy spots a pretty girl and starts to drool...then a small lake appears between his shoes.
Izzy : No way! We are not hormonal losers...and I never looked at that pretty girl... (he mutters under is breath damn she's fine!)
Tai : So, what do you guys wanna do?
Mimi : Stuff...
T.k. : No, he means what do you wanna smoke? I got weed, roaches, some hits of acid, couple of joints... (he keeps on rambling on about what he has)
Izzy : Shut up, who would ever wanna smoke your shit.
Tai : Wow, you made a dramatic change in the way you talk. What for?
Izzy : What do you mean what for? You better recogonize.
Narr. : Izzy reaches to Tai to punch him but he's off by a few square kilometres. Some pills from his front pocket fall out.
Mimi : Why are you taking these? Are you trying to kill yourself? Cause it'd better be sucessful.
Izzy : How nice, I'll try to meet your demanding needs, your highness.
Mimi: You'd better.
Tai : Let's go find those ditchers okay?
T.K. : Who gives a damn bout' them?
Izzy : For now on I'll be known as Thee Izzster.
Narr. : I'm not calling you Thee Izzster, that's mega-whacked!
Izzy : Damn you!
Tai : No, Damn you!
Mimi : Damn you both!
T.K. : Shut the fuck up you damn losers! Lets get the hell out of here already.
Narr. : They head off in the direction of the explosions and find Sora at the corner of Wertyu and Poiuy.
Sora : What the hell are you guys doing here? Can't you see I'm attempting to be a mass murderer here?
Izzy : Hey, look at that girl, she's fine...
Tai : Hey look! it's Joe! No wait! How come he's wearing a dress?!?
T.K. : What the fuck? Boy, you trippin'-No wait, I'm trippin'.
Joe : It's not what it looks like... it's... uh... I was forced into this buisness!
Narr. : Joe runs into the nearest building to change.
Joe : Hey guys, what's up?
Mimi : Hey! that's a nice shade of eyeshadow. Where'd you get it at?
Joe : Shoppers drug ma...-hey! (he tries to wipe it off with his spit.) NO! it's waterproof! I shouldn't have listened to that woman who said that waterproof makeup was in!
Mimi : Hey, isn't that where they make that dumb Pokesomething show? (she points to a building.)
Tai : Oh yeah, that's where Matt was going right T.K.?
T.K. : Sorry man, I was too wasted to notice. Plus I was stoned, and tripping, and high,and... (he, once again, goes on and on.)
Sora : Let's go in... I've always wanted to kill that damn yellow rat.
Tai : NO, I wanna sacrifice it...
T.K. : No, I wanna eat it.
Narr. : Everyone gives T.K. a weird look that says "drugs". They all walk into the building and they find Matt talking to some guys in suits while smoking cigars.
T.K. : Hey what kind are those? Are they imported from. Mexico!
Matt : Uh... hi guys...
Mimi : Hey Matt. What are you doing? (She says casually while slipping a Pokeball into her jacket.)
Matt : Uh... nothing much. (he turns, whispers to the other guys and they walk away.)
Sora : Yeah, so what should we do next?
T.K. : Let's play telephone!
Mimi : I'll go first!(she whispers to Sora): Tai is such a loser.
Sora : (Whispers to Joe) Matt licks nuts.
Joe : (Whispers to T.K.) Izzy sucks shit.
T.K. : (Whispers to Matt) Sora eats chicken balls.
Matt : (Whispers to Tai) Mimi's a lesbian.
Tai : (Whispers to Izzy) Joe's a fag.
Izzy : (Whispers to Mimi) T.K. is one fucked up little boy.
Mimi : What the hell! It started out as 'Tai is such a loser', how did it get to 'T.K. is one fucked up little boy'?!? Sorry, but you guys are seriously dysfunctional.
T.K. : Hey, only three times! If you include the time when-
Tai : We heard it...Hey you called me a loser Mimi ?! Stupid bitch.
Matt : She's a lesbian not a bitch.
Joe : Yeah well, Sora says you lick nuts.
T.K. : And you said Izzy sucks shit.
Izzy : Oh yeah, it's true that you are one fucked little boy, I told Mimi that.
Sora : What was said about me?!
Everybody except for one: uh-oh...
T.K. : I said that you eat chicken balls...pretty cool eh?
Izzy : But yeah, so what should do now? Plus, who was the one to bring up the telephone idea?
T.K. : Me...pretty cool eh?
Matt : Shut the hell up. Your comments are not needed.
Narr. : Then they heard some voices coming from the other room.
Pikachu : OW! FUCKACHU! oops, I mean PikAAAAAHHH!
Sora : He he he
Narr. : Sora walks into the room with a huge smile on her face.
Mimi : Dead?
Sora : Yep.
Narr. : Just then Pikachu walks into the room.
Sora : But I shot you!?!
Pikachu : Pika pika pikachu. (TRANSLATION: That was a stunt double you stupid kid.)
Narr. : Sora pulls out a gun and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens.
Sora : I used my last bullet on a stunt double! Crap!
Tai : That's ok.
Narr. : He puts a bag over Pikachu and carries him off into the next room.
T.K. : What the fuck are you doing?
Izzy : I'm not really doing anything right now.
T.K. : I wasn't talking to you.
Tai : Will you quit announcing everything that we say?
Narr. : It's my job. So fuck off.
Tai : (he mutters to himself.) Stupid asshole. Wish I could sacrifice him along with this rat.
Narr. : Do you think that I can't hear you?
Tai : Shut up. (he slams the door.)
Narr. : That kid is one seriously mega whacked kid.
Tai : (from another room) Hey now your stealin me words! Plus that's not very grammarish.
Narr. : I'll say whatever I want to! You know what? Screw you guys I'm going home...
Narr. 2 : Then Narr. 1 leaves walking arrogantly.
Narr. : Shut up stupid Narrator 2.
Narr. 2 : It's true okay! Maybe you shouldn't walk off arrogantly. How about walking away normally so at least you don't have to sound like an asshole? I think it'd help you get more narratoring jobs if acted like a civilized narrator more. Plus there's a National Narrator Conference on Monday from 10 am to 3 pm. Are you going to it?
Narr. : Maybe. Where is it at?
Narr. 2 : It's at the Narrators Exchange Building downtown.
Narr. : Okay I'll go. Do you think you can pick me up at Wertyu Theater? I have to practise until 9:30.
Narr. 2 : Sure. Hey did you know that Narr. 345 is-
Matt : Excuse me but we'd like to get on with this story.
Narr. : Sorry, do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive me?
Tai : Not really but okay.
Narr. 2 : So Narr. 1 leaves saying that they are coming back tomorrow to continue their job.
Narr. 1 : BYE!
Mimi : So...yeah...and stuff.
Matt : Um...okay
Tai : Uh like yeah...
Joe : Um...stuff...
Sora : Yes...that's it...
Thee Izzster : 'kay there.....
Narr. 2 : Um...so...yes
T.K. : Pretty cool eh?
Tai : T.K. you just ruined our One Syllable Sentences! Damn you and your excuses!
T.K. : Uh yeah retard...
Thee Izzster : Too late now. Plus that wasn't a One Syllable Sentence.
T.K. : Damn...too late for me...
Narr. 2 : So these are the sands of the hourglass-no wait that's Days of Our Lives. I work there sometimes...
Sora : Oh great, now you ruined the ending.
Narr. 2 : Sorry, but we're people too, we make mistakes.
But yeah, I'll make a special ending for you guys, that I'll say at the end of each story okay?
T.K. : Sure, what the hurry it up so I can shave!
Narr. 2 : The End
Mimi : Oh yeah that was original!
How did you like that story? Pretty screwed up eh?
If you want more of this screwed up craziness, check out The Digimon Episode that Would Never Be... Part II